Consensual Isolation
Ten Safety Techniques for Assessing Consensual Isolation
Consensual isolation occurs when a couple relocates to a secluded or isolated location to talk, become intimate, or travel. At other times, it may be the result of circumstances such as attending a social event and others departing or the need for assistance.
Dangers of Consensual Isolation
Dangers of consensual isolation involve robbery, kidnapping, and especially rape. If you have just met someone or are getting to know someone, but you do not want to be sexually intimate, be wary of going to isolated locations. The judicial process is less likely to support you if you both mutually agreed to move into a secluded location when you were assaulted.
Effective dating communication is critical, but it can also be challenging. Even when you are honest with your date or partner about your limitations, it does not mean they will share or honor your boundaries. He may appease you so you so you will consensually go to an isolated location. Insist on remaining in public venues when dating or getting to know someone.
Perceptions of Consensual Isolation
Accepting a social invitation and moving to a place of isolation may be interpreted as your desire to engage in sexual activities. The following examples share the common denominator of “consensual isolation”. Simultaneously, these examples might imply cues and innuendos about a desire for sexual relations.
- “How about dinner at my place?”
- “Want to come up and listen to music?”
- “Since your roommate is out for the evening, let’s study at your place.”
- “This party’s a bust. Let’s leave.”
- “How about if we go to ‘Lake Romance’ for the weekend?”
Going to a secluded location carries different meanings and expectations for each person. There are a myriad of reasons why women voluntarily go to their date’s residence. A woman seeking to learn more about a man may think that by going to his place or inviting him to her residence, she will learn more about his tastes, style, and their compatibility. At other times, it may be a need for or a desire to assist.
Though you might be sexually attracted and desire intimacy but prefer to delay sexual relations, he, on the other hand, may have a different perception. He may think that by agreeing to go to his place, she wants sexual relations. Sex offenders and abusive personalities have distorted thought processes centered on satisfying their needs over those of others. His expectation may be that you want to have sex, and thus expects you will say, “No” first. In most cases, acquaintance sex offenders and group rapists seek to isolate their victims and are likely to discount her “No” or physical resistance. Consensual isolation becomes an excuse for an abusive personality and rapist to sexually assault their current victim.
If you are dating and you intend to be social but not sexual, express your boundaries to your new companion. When you like someone, it’s natural to want to be alone and get to know them without environmental distractions or judgments. Your decision when to have healthy sex or other intimacies may coincide with following Wendy Maltz’s CERTS model for safer and healthier intimacy.
Ten Safety Tips for Consensual Isolation
In addition to dating safety tips, consider the following points when visiting his place for the first time, especially if the situation takes a turn towards physical assault.
- While enroute, either walking or driving, observe and remember the street names and the address of the location in case you need to call for help. This also assists police investigation in the event a crime is committed. Many survivors of violence who consented to isolation could not remember the location of where the crime occurred. If you have a GPS feature on your cell phone, you can use that to help identify your location but never count on having reception. The phone may also be taken away from you, dropped, or otherwise separated from it.
- If you need help, keep your cell phone with you. If you feel the situation change, you can go to the bathroom when inside a residence or flee and use your phone to call for assistance.
- While enroute, also identify open businesses or potential residences you might need to flee. Evaluate the distance and type of terrain you must overcome to reach your destination.
- When walking, pay attention to the interior and exterior layout of a building, parking structure,, or lot, especially exits from apartments and multiplex buildings, in case you need to flee. Pay attention to the paths when walking through recreation paths or parks.
- Observe the doors, gates, stairwells, and other exit locations you enter. Assess which way the doors or gates open and how they lock, again, if you must rapidly flee. It can be easy to become directionally disoriented in large apartment buildings and recreational areas.
- Identify the locations of fire alarms in corridors and blue emergency phones on campus in case you need to activate one for immediate help.
- Assess with whom your date may live or associate. Do you feel uncomfortable around his friends or roommate? How do they look at you? What and how do they speak with you? How does your date’s demeanor change when around them? Is it a setup for a group assault?
- Does his demeanor change, especially his eyes change to predatory lust that may appear angry or determined? Actions of dominance and anticipatory excitement may be demonstrated, such as sudden aggression, rapidly closing proximity, and posturing one’s size by standing taller and encroaching aggressively into personal space. Does he aggressively fondle your buttocks, breasts or trying to kiss you without implied or implicit consent? Does he cause you pain when grabbing or fondling you, especially your wrists, arms, or breasts? Does he lock doors or position his body to block your pathways to escape?
- The soundest safety technique regarding consensual isolation is not to move into a location of isolation if you do not yet want to be sexually involved with your date. Get to know the person first. Study the behavioral traits listed in the abusive personality and acquaintance rapist behavior and allow your subconscious. Arming yourself with this information will enable your intuition to better guide you in recognizing a potentially dangerous individual.
At first, the above ten safety techniques for consensual isolation are a list promoting paranoia. However, these techniques are a part of awareness and general safety for better crime prevention. Instead of paranoia and anxiety, awareness skills will build confidence and ground you in more effective assertiveness should a consensual isolated situation become dangerous.
Preparing before a date may also assist in confidence and better decision-making related to safety related to consensual isolation.
Developing physical skills and more options through the Model Mugging basic self-defense course will provide you with better intuition and the confidence to identify situations that may be dangerous and then the courage to avoid them in the first place.
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